answers

Thursday, November 21st was supposed to be my day.

I said my morning prayer and danced around my room; Thursday was my day.
I curled my hair and put on my favorite lipstick; Thursday was my day.

Thursday was the day I went to see Dr. Ryan VanMoorlehem, a Endodontist specialist.

Since this face pain I wrote about in my earlier posts was a complete mystery, my patient dentist referred me to an Endodontist-- a doctor who specializes in the study and treatment of dental pulp.

The drive was exhilarating. 
He would tell me exactly what is wrong.
He would know.
Somebody, at last, would know.

As we pulled up to the Endodontist Suite, I wanted to burst out of the car and 
throw myself into this Doctor's arms. I wanted him to tell me he has seen this a MILLION times. I wanted him to take it away.

Dr. VanMoorlehem is absolutely wonderful.

He laid me down and carefully examined the teeth where the pain originated from.

As soon as I opened my mouth for him to take a look,
something in my heart said
"today is not the day."

A muffled sigh came from this throat.
"I cannot see anything. Your teeth and gums look incredibly healthy."
He looked over the multiple x-rays carefully. Nothing.
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
I had been daydreaming about the moment where I would skip 
out of the office with the answers. Why am I not skipping? 

Dr. VanMoorlehem believes I may have Trigeminal Neuraligia.

Tri whaty what? Come again?

Trigeminal Nueraligia. 
The Trigeminal nerve is the biggest facial nerve.
The left side of my face can at times be unbearable to move.
Eating is a burden.
Talking is a struggle.
I sleep sitting up; laying down is not an option.

Dr. VanMoorlehem referred me to a neurologist--a doctor who specializes in nerves.

As we drove away, my parents gave me encouraging words. 
To not lose the faith, that it would be okay, that this was only temporary.
I could not help but let the hot, silent tears stream down my face.

The answers I do have: 
the pain has nothing to do with my teeth.

I do not have all the answers right now.
And as frustrating and heartbreaking as it is, it is okay.
I believe the Lord gave me this trial to humble me. 
To make me grateful for the littlest things, such as smiling and talking.

I will firmly stand by His side.
I do not have all the answers; He does.